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[Sep. 9th, 2004|06:28 pm] |
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seems like erybpdy got some comment to make whether they educated or not....oh f***in well.....im physically, emotionally, and mentally drained and the ppl that should care dont even seem to know..i dont give a f*** bout what i show off ta ppl...if u think im sad or mad....thass yo opinion i dont give a f*** ne more......about ne thing.....know why? cuz in the end all i got is myself |
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| eh nuttin |
[Sep. 1st, 2004|07:00 pm] |
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no real news yet...me n X r still cool...works aight school is....well school....ill be back when i have real news |
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| been a while |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|02:38 pm] |
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well fuck what i just tyoed cuz the damn page deleted it.....yall that kno me already kno whats been up wit me..u kno bout X u kno bout mya u kno bout school...yall that dont kno me dont need ta kno ya heard? |
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| been a while |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|02:35 pm] |
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yeah well live journal has been a pain in my behind and i havent been able to log on n update...for those of u that know me u already kno whats been up u kno bout X bout mya bout school etc...fa yall that dont know...u dont need to lol...thass my bidness ya feel? ne ways ...i dont have the time to sit hurr n ramble on and on bout shit that dont have nuttin ta do wit ne of yall that dont know me...so yall that do know me....just holla at a playa in which case ill update u myself lol |
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| urghhhhh |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
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human beings piss me the fuck off. i cant get ne time to myself. no damn privacy and the second I GET PISSED ABOUT SUMN IM A BITCH now these damn ppl get in my face bout shit all the time and i dont say a damn thing but they can be bitchy too. u kno im sick of it.....shit like this drives ppl mad.....and i dont have the time to deal with it. fuck human beings i dont need a soul...aint like ne of em really down fa me in the end ne ways.......all imma eva have is me so why give a damn |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|06:26 pm] |
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eh nuttin new....personal life is uninteresting....boys....uninteresting...school.... almost over but still uniteresting......long ass anoying papers to do but still uniteresting.....meh what else is new...when is everything just gravy? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|07:12 pm] |
well darn school is hell right now....ive got tests...more tests....and more tests projects and just shit to do plus an Ap thing to do lol gahhhhhhh can i scream yet??????????
and then theres my life....... |
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| ahhhh what a bit of sleep can do lol |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|03:40 pm] |
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IM A OK NOW LOL. last nights' posts are now irrelevant and just my mindless ramblings lol .... that guy is not as big a part of my life as I thought. Its ok that he told me the things he did b/c they dont matter....not now at least. I dont have it in me to hurt people so even if I werent into I.A.H. b/c of M.J.C.D Id never get involved with K.D. at this point in time I want nothing to do with him either....had he said something before I got involved with C.I.D. or I.A.H. things MIGHT have been different but I doubt it. things are goin to good for me right now to screw it up on a what if....besides it's been too long since Ive liked someone I mean really liked them and had the chance to be with them so yeah..... |
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| shit |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|12:01 am] |
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why does stuff manage to happen when i cant or dont want do do ne thing about it. i have the perfect guy in my life right now...least i think i do....and the ex crush...the reason i have the new guy comes back and says he liked me when i like dhim....this is not right not right not right. i dont want him now i cant have him now and i am happy with the guy i have gahahhhhhahahahahahahaah |
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| umm....that emotion no one wants to speak on |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|02:07 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ne thing | ] |
my mind endlessly wanders to the places i am not free to stop . I like this guy which shouldnt be so much of a big deal. but this emotion is unlike that ive really experienced. i dunno if its because he's into me too or because i want him. i drift into thoughts of him at random moments. something about him strikes me and i cant help but feel anxiety or nervousness or whatever im feeling but i kinda like not being in control. i just kinda got myself stuck...at least on him. i mean we only "went out" once and barely been talkin like a month...but sumn's got me thinkin....diggin....looking for his flaw....no man is that "on" but i could care less. what i see entices me. "i dont know what to do im stuck on you.....i love you i hate you i cant stop thinking of you....."stacie orrico.
i wanna runaway but i also want to stay . im fighting myself each and every day. i look in those eyes and see what i want....so why do I see the need to front? he has what i want he fits my taste....theres no real need to follow with haste. i like his look i like his style...this needs to last if only for a while....he's so sincere and definently smart....id hate to admit i let him in my heart....ive never met a boy like you i say to him at night....ur coo people too he says it gives me quite a fright...why am i so nervous why so afraid....isnt this the path i so desperately paved? I wouldnt know my visions blurrs...all since i said so few words...i like you yeah u like me too...let's face it I want to be with you... |
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| that thing...... |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|03:58 pm] |
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sometimes things dont go the way u want and other times they completely do. as of freshman year fa me nuttin has gone how it really should be goin and if i were ne one else i prolly would have ended it for myself but i didnt. i held my ground. as far as guys go they've generally been a pain in my ass......none of my "crushes" seem to go my way.....that is until now. i met this guy thry my homie and thus far he's been everything i thought them otha cats were. besides looks....besides how he reacts to me....besides all of that.....hes as close to perfect as humanly possible and i owe it all to my friend. guys are like my best friend...never really been an issue for me but this guy basically makes me nervous. when he touches me heat literally shoots str8 thru me and id rather not let him go. and only god can truly tell me i dont like this cat.....i mean just when he looks at me ...... cant even express it in words but its been a while n ive been waiting.....i think by now I deserve this .....and im happy...no more depression over Aaliyah...no tears over fucked up cats i thought was cool wit me .....no more nun of that.....my moms is as ok as she can be. my "father" is back around and ive got all the friends i could use right now....including the mystery man.....because it still remains a mystery how he can reach me deeper than most of my friends can even......and until i kno otherwise...this is the life Im supposed ta have....now collge is waiting.........NY here I come........................... |
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| tha last...uhh...couple of months |
[Sep. 14th, 2003|08:02 pm] |
i havent written hurr since i got this all set up.....sad aint it? alot has happened in like these last 3 months or so. my moms is in the hospital. i moved and switched schools. i forfieted a chance at a cool G or so but sall good. mentally ive cleaned myself up a grip....a those that kno me im guessin u kno all bout dat right?
off all'a dat..... theres like no blk ppl at ma new school n im buggin on dat one but imma live. this year begins the longest n most difficult thus far. 5 or so tests to take among otha things.
my guy situatios seems ta neva wanna improve. either im inta someone i cant get with fa reasons that dont matter or r just dumb(like tha last 4) or theres nuttin there fa me. is eryone gay now or sumn? weird guys, ugly , young n gay guys r takin ova tha school and tha world lol.
i have tightened my bond with 3 of my closest buddies n ma b day's bout ta pop up n stuff. big 16 fa sho. my nieces n nephews r makin me feel all old n ishh. man things r changin sooo much ery day. sumn i been waitin on fa 24 months n countin could be happenin soon n tho it should b good n happy n all im freakin out.
one of my good buddies r caught up in a toguh situation again n this one time i dunno how ta help them. this one time i cant b tha good guy, the life savior. imma get ova dat but u kno me i gotta figure out how ta make er thing right again withought messin issh up fa me. but thass all fa now.... till i write again imma keep doin my thizzle n writin u know ~1~ |
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| meh |
[Jun. 30th, 2003|12:38 am] |
first entry:
which came first tha realizaion of pain or pain itself? which is harder to except. tha fact that "it" is dead and so is it? or tha fact that i cant change it? Music or misery? I say tha words r interchangeable. Music invites memory and memory causes misery...at least mine do. there is officially 2 months give or take 2 or 3 days b4 i relive the cause of my pain. i never thought it would go this far or that pain could b so damaging. is it harder to smile or harder to frown? i say my frowns r as natural as tha tears that flow from ma eyes. someone told me once that tha rays of sunshine r tha warmth of "its" arms but i can no longer try to believe that idea. "it" is too far for it to be that close....and if that is so, y does it get dark or tha sun neva shine? if "it" cares it cant leave..."it" has to be there when I need it...
what do i do when tha day drags n i cant think n ma vision blurrs from tha tears i cry? how do u erase tha pain? how do u create memories that cant b therre or replace those that ache when u cant sleep....or when u wish u would die jus ta hold someone n still u cry?....this cant go on...2 years is up.... |
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